CQ's Gotcha Day #2 (December 20th)

December 2006

AMAZING. Amazing is the one word that comes to my mind when I think about my baby girl being ALL ours for 2 years. My life is fuller, better, crazier, but most of, complete...because of you.

I love you CQ. You are my little princess. AND I am so lucky to be your Mommy!

December 2008

Buddah is 6...I HAVE A SIX YEAR OLD!

(HE WANTED THE CAKE TO SAY: "MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU, -----")

My baby is

6.

I just can't believe it.

Here are some cute photos of his Birthday at IMAX theatre in Noblesville...where all 16 kiddos got to see the 3D Movie BOLT...and have their very own Popcorn and snack pack ;-)

CQ invited one of her bestest friends...TORI http://www.mytoribug.blogspot.com/ to enjoy Big Brother's special day!

We love you soooo much Buddah Bean. We can't believe you are such a BIG BOY already!!!!

Something I read

Have any of you read this before?

I love it.

Mommie, How much did I cost?
The moment every adoptive parent dreads….right over the fish sticks, French fries and peas….the question I had been waiting to hear, just not so soon.
Annelise (adopted from China four years ago, now age 6), coming up for air from the ketchup pool on her plate, looks at me with her dark eyes and asks “Mommie, how much did I cost?”
Me: “Cost? You didn’t cost a penny! Now eat your peas!” Situation handled. At least for now.
But let me think about this again. We are standing, Dave and I, on the shores of another “new” adventure. We are embarking on our 6th international adoption, bringing home another five year old boy from Taiwan. So, besides the obvious monetary cost of the process, how much did you cost? There is no mystery where the question came from. It came from four years of you absorbing our frenetic paperwork gathering, fingerprint getting, notary signing, and budget deficit spending for the four other children that followed on your heels from China. Or, it might have come from Kindergarten, where the children are so worldly they know more about where babies come from than they do about Bob the Builder. Annelise, your question briefly halted me in my onward rush for total enlightenment, acquired by getting 5 kids fed and bathed before 8 p.m. bedtime. Your question has simmered and bubbled in the back of my mind ever since. Together, you and I have gone through “you are adopted”, “you didn’t grow you in mommie's tummy”, “not all babies are born in China”, “yes, airplanes are to used for other things than getting babies from China” and “no, you can’t have more cookies before bed”.So, Annelise, here is how much you cost:

A feeling of willingly jumping off the top of a tall building with no clue on how to land safely. I think it’s called a Leap of Faith. I’ll let you know when I land.
1.5 pounds of paperwork

Three vials of blood, one physical, 15 visits to the doctor’s office because the notary screwed up... again.

Multiple social worker visits…are we there yet?

At least 5 headaches from thinking up creative answers to questions there are no good answers to, such as: what will I do when I return home after work to a totally wrecked house, a husband snoring on the couch, walls decorated in rainbow patterns from glitter crayons, cat vomit in a connect-the-dots pattern from the kitchen to the living room, and a 16 month old in the middle of the kitchen making dinner out of a Oreo cookies).

Two 14 hr plane rides.

An overnight stay in Tokyo when we missed the connecting flight to Beijing

A sleepless night in Tokyo brought on by really reading all the earthquake warnings on the back of the hotel room door.

My first mommie moment when I learned what a being a mommie was all about after you threw up all the food I overfed you on the airplane (after bouncing you on my knee), after stripping you down to your diaper, after learning the airline blanket had not escaped the projectile vomiting, and after getting ready to rip the throat out of two smarmy airline hostesses who tried to ignore me asking for a blanket, while my child turned blue from the cold.

At least two weeks of feeling like someone dropped off their child with me and forgot to come back and get her

Two months of singing every rendition of “Rock-a-bye Baby” I could imagine for at least 2 hrs every night while I suffered from a terrible virus received from my trip to China, in the middle of the hottest summer on record in Northern Michigan

The cartilage in my knees as I learning to crawl out of your nursery with out making any of the floor boards creak, knowing full well you were still awake, but going hoarse from all that singing.

Learning how to stop dead in my tracks and pretend I was still laying on the floor sleeping next to your crib when you popped your head up because I missed one lousy, noisy, damn floor board.

Experiencing the joy of eating a whole quart of strawberries by the side of the road with my 18 month old daughter, because you didn’t know when to stop eating, and I was having too much fun to know any better.

Finding out there was only one true color and that was pink, pink, nothing but pink, so help me God.

Finally understanding that dresses are better than pants, with tights please, the ones with the frilly bottoms, and what do you mean they don’t come in 5T?

The realization that no matter how many children I adopt, no matter how old I get, you and your brothers and sisters will never, ever fill the hole created by the two babies that I gave birth to who died because they were too young to live. And while you can never replace them, they can never replace you either.

Annelise, you cost me everything I never knew I had inside me to give.
You cost me the wall I built around my heart when my babies died, the patience I so sorely hoarded because it was in such short supply, the personal space I thought I required, and my unceasing quest for answers from God who finally just plunked you down in my lap and told me “Look! This is all you need to know!”

That, Annelise, is how much you cost. Now, go tell your Kindergarten class that Bob the Builder doesn’t hold a candle to your mother

Sometimes I still need a little "Pick me up" from our miscarriage last Aug. I still get sad from time to time, and think about it often.
BUT, I'm really working on that #3 with Jason...he might almost be there. (?)
What would we do? WHO KNOWS (but adoption is a definite...I can't repeat what happened over last summer! )

Ninja and the Princess

These photos were a part of our Fall picture portfolio. There are many many good ones, but the ones in their Halloween costumes are priceless! (more to come)

Everything is going very well right now, we are just really really busy.

I've also gotten kind of addicted to FACEBOOK. If you have a page, let me know!

MANY FUN THINGS AND FIRSTS

First Indiana Jones MOVIE!

First Day of Kindergarten for Buddah!

First Game (EVER) at Lucas Oil Stadium!

CQ's first day of Preschool!

Healing

We are healing from all of this. It's amazing how truly hard it has been. I am still so sad sometimes when I think about how far along I would be, or how the baby would be developing, or what stage it would be in now.
I did have a visit to the Dr. today, but still no real answers. I was far enough along for there to be some extensive chromosome testing done and that won't be back for a few more weeks.
I did have a bit of a scare last week when I began bleeding/clotting and it wouldn't stop. My GOD! That was pretty awful. That's finally better!
Anyway, after several days on medicine for that issue, I have now began to start coming to terms with things and I think my hormones are starting to balance out and I feel like alittle bit more like "A REAL PERSON" again.
School began today, and it was bitter sweet for me. I really had no summer at all. I spent (basically) the entire month of July in bed, and the 1st 2 weeks of Aug. recovering from surgery, so I am a bit bitter about that.
I wanted to thank all of you again for your kind words and I am really glad that I had a small outlet to vent and talk about what went on...because we really only told a few people.

I PROMISE PROMISE to post pictures soon. I don't have my disk here with me tonight.

Jen

Recovering

Recovery after the D-n-C has been ok. It comes and goes. Sometimes I'm fine, other times I still feel very pregnant because my hormone levels are still pretty high. It's just uncomfortable. Lots of cramping, lots of tears.
Seems like this has been such a blur...such a whirlwind.
We are strong. I know we'll get through this and we'll be just fine.
I am the kind of person who will always wonder WHY, but I'm sure that too will reveal itself at some point.

I'll try and update next time with pics of the kiddos...they are getting soooooo BIG.
Buddah begins Kindergarten in just 2 weeks...OMG!!!

I'm hanging in there. Thanks for all the warm wishes and cyber hugs...they mean so much.

Jen

A Sad Day

Wow. This was my ultra-sound today.
I went to my ultrasound appt. and found out that within the last 24-48 hours the baby's heart beat stopped. I was so wierd. The baby had arms and legs, and looked very perfect...just no heart beat. They worked on finding one for awhile, and then said... "I'm so sorry".
I can't believe it. This whole experience feels like a sick joke. How can a little miracle so unexpected turn out this way. Why?
I have my DNC Wednesday morning.
I have been guarded, but it's never ever easy. I actually forgot just how much these things can hurt.
It's so sad that this is the only picture I will ever see of this baby. ;-(

I am so thankful for Buddah and CQ.
I'll keep you updated.

Jen

Everything is still going.
I meet with a wonderful doctor last Tuesday and we went over lots of paperwork and after careful consideration, she wants me to do Luvenox shots daily and wants me to also take a baby asprin daily...throughout the pregnancy.
This should help thin the blood and Hopefully keep the anti-bodies from attacking my little blueberry. :-)

I'm officially 11 weeks and 1 day...I think. I am so sick that I can barely get out of bed. I do have some mild cramping, but it comes and goes just every now and then that freaks me out.
i just can't get over how sick I am. For several days, I have been able to avoid the whole throwing up thing...not anymore. It hit me 2 days ago and I am constantly sick. It feels like I'm dying...truly.
OK...and I've already gone up a bra size. THEY ARE HUGE...I know probably way too much information, but it's amazing! They hurt/burn/tingle...it's even hard to shower with these new puppies!

The very very few people who know keep telling me that this is a good sign to be so sick.

It just makes me crazy.

I'm trying to keep calm, but of course I'm still really worried. Will this all work out?

Another funny story:

The financial office sat me down on Tuesday to review the costs and what insurance will/will not pay. OMG! We are responsible for $178.00 of the fees....FOR ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE ADOPTED, THAT'S A DEAL RIGHT. I LAUGHED INSIDE. I think that was a one night stay at the airport hotel in Russia with no heat.

The doctor's secretary has a son who just brought a baby home from Guatemala...I felt much more in touch with her than the other women in the entire office. :-)

I go back to the doctor on the 28th. Please keep us in your thoughts. This is one of those things that is a true miracle and we don't exactly get do-over's on this one.

A Shocking Surprise

I am really confused as to how to really put into words how I am feeling right now.
So, I'm going to make a list....
1. I am excited
2. I am scared to death
3. I am confused...actually quite bewildered
4. Mad because I don't want to be that statistic
5. Happy because I am that statistic
6. Guarded
7. Proud
8. Like I could throw up any second.
9. I want everything to be normal so bad

I am 7.5 weeks pregnant...now we all know how this happens, but how did it happen to me...now?
I have no idea.
It's been 6 years since we even saw a fertility specialist.
About 6 years since our last miscarrage.
We know that to get pregnant I have to take heprin and asprin because my husband and I have a very very strong immunological issue.
I am on no medication
We saw and heard a little heart beat today and everything looks normal...WHAT???????????
I talk to the doctor tomorrow



Our feelings are Not too High and Not too Low...
WOW are we in shock.

We know that so much can happen

This was not AT ALL PLANNED!

Please keep us in your prayers

WAY TOO LONG

I've probably lost most of my HUGE BLOG following, he he he, but it has seriously been so busy that blogging was the 10,000th thing on my life list to do for the past month and a half.
BUT
Soooo much has happened.
The school year has ended, so that means I have the summer off from teaching. (YEAH!!!) They say that the best 3 things about teaching are JUNE, JULY, and AUGUST. I do love my job, but I was really ready to be home with my two little rugrats for a while.


CQ turned 3 at the end of May. She is now TOTALLY potty trained and...




we are in the "Thinking" stages of a big girl bed.


Isn't this cute?



We have remodeled some rooms in our house...wood floors over 1600 sq. ft. on the entire first floor, we changed our countertops and now they are granite, we installed cubbies in the laundry room to make it a true MUDROOM. Good Work Daddy!

I got a new SUV and even though it's big, I love it. I'll be sure to be GREEN in other ways...promise!

Best of all, the relationship with my son, has always (actually instantly) been wonderful.
The relationship with my daughter has been so hard b/c of all of the attachment and behavioral issues that she has had. I am pleased to report that she is doing amazing. I mean amazing. I know that she will still have her moments here and there, but it's truly unbelievable what research, soul searching, structure, and support will help you through. It's not even like she is the same kid. I can't even put into words how much happier I AM and I'm sure she is now that we've turned this corner. I also think it's amazing that at 1 and 2 years of age a child can work to make these changes as well. I always say that CQ has been the very hardest job of my entire life. Really no words to describe my emotions...just love. More hard work on the way I'm sure, but right now I'm lov'in it.

I have finally been able to check up on so many bloggers that I haven't seen or heard from in a while. So many babies coming home right now and that makes me happy. Of course summer is always very slow Russia.

I hope all is well with everyone.

I also hope to keep updates coming regularly this summer! :)

Jen

Why do I like Target Super-Center sooo much?

Target

The store that I can spend hours upon hours just roaming around.

• They now carry Bumble and Bumble Hair products.

• My new found L-O-V-E... and all No7 Products. Very good and inexpensive!

• I can buy my kids play clothes, shoes, and school supplies for a very cheap price and they are really durable AND cute...that's important.

• Toys are very reasonably priced. CQ prefers anything pink...no matter what it is. She's easy to please. BUT, for those of you who have sons that are Jedi Knights (like my Buddah), it's important to keep up with all of the action figures, lego models, and collectables. It just comes with the territory, and Target's got them!

• They have a ton of great variety in their organic food choices, cleaning supplies, etc...

• I can get everything I need ALL at one time...which can also be overwhelming at times.
  

• Their "Archer Brand" is drastically cheaper than the name brand items and it is usually much better!

• The kids get a FREE chocolate chip cookie when you visit the bakery. It's a wonderful calmness for 5-10 minutes before they are begging for a drink.
  

• Their White Cherry Slushy is THE BEST! Just ask these 2 very satisfied customers.

They've got me hooked!
What do you LOVE about Target?

Spring Break 2008

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

FAILURE ON THE PHOTO FRONT AND JUMPING EASTER FUN

EASTER WEEKEND 2008


NOW FOR THE BEHIND THE SCENES TO GET THE PICTURES ABOVE...
THANK GOODNESS I DIDN'T WANT PICTURES OF THEM TOGETHER, OH! I DID. :-)





















































OUR FAMILY WENT TO VISIT PAPA RICK, NANA CHERI, AND AUNT MARIN EASTER WEEKEND. BUDDAH GOT TO DO THIS FUN "JUMPING THING" AT THE ST. LOUIS MALL.
HOW FUN WAS THIS! HE JUST STARTED DOING FLIPS OUT OF NOWHERE!

33 and some random thoughts

March 13th was my 33rd birthday.
I worked from 7am-10pm because we had open house at my school. Kind of a Bummer!

THIS IS THE BANNER MY STUDENTS MADE FOR ME...VERY CUTE!
When I got home, Jason had kept the kids awake and they surprised me when I walked in the door. Balloons and Streamers and CQ picked out a Barbie Birthday Cake and it was REALLY GOOD!
It's really like someone else talking when I say I'm 33, but NOP it's me!
As I reflect on my life, I can honestly say that it's pretty great. Of course there are those stressful/frustrating/not so good moments now and then, but for the most part, I can say I'm Happy and Healthy.
I don't know if I would be so Happy and Healthy if I didn't have my "other half", Jason. We've been married for almost 9 years and I am so happy that he is in my life. We have been through so many ups and downs, in so many relms. He makes me happy and he really is my best friend. He is a fabulous Dad and so supportive in every way. There's nothing I couldn't count on him for. I'm lucky to have that.

My kids are my heart.
Buddah truly saved my life. I wanted him so badly. I often think that I dreamed him into our lives. He's an emotional little guy that is very intense and complex. Jason and I think that he wanted to be an only child. Even though CQ has been home from Russia for 1 year home, he still competes with her, and is overly possessive with "his things", and is sometimes overly aggressive with her. I know it's probably a brother/sister thing, but it drives me crazy.
We are hoping that he will protect and be consistently kind to his sister someday...and I will continue to hang on to that thought and wish!

If I thought my life was tough before, I was wrong. CQ is the hardest job of my life, in a positive way though. She has not only helped me see myself in a whole new light, but has made me grow into the person and mother that I am today. I love her so much.
I continue to tell Jason that she knows she's the "middle" child...hint hint...but he says "not yet"! That's not a NO, right? :)

My job- wonderful. Being a teacher to 2nd and 3rd graders is very rewarding...I sometimes think they like me much better than my own 2 at home. :)


It's so hard to balance work and home for me though. It can be very frustrating at times, but my parents stay with my kids so the relationship that they have built with them is wonderful as well.

What does all this mean? What am I trying to say?

I have no idea, I guess these are just random thoughts.

Busy Times

So much "BUSY STUFF" going on these days. I wish I could post more often!
Still no re-schedule date for the Russia Mission

Trip to Kirov...I hope to here something soon.

The kiddos are doing great! CQ had another appointment about her foot and we found that she doesn't have to have her tendon-transfer surgery until at least August...which is great b/c she will be casted for 8-12 weeks after surgery and I want her to swim ALL SUMMER! :). Her foot continues to "catch-up" in size. There is now only a 1 size difference between her right and left foot, which is a HUGE improvement from the 2.5 difference when we brought her home last year. (CQ was born with a very severe club-foot and in Russia they did surgery on her foot...pretty much a horrible surgery, so we still have to get it fixed correctly. She is very lucky to be walking so well!)

Buddah is STAR STUDENT this week at school...which is a very important ordeal!

Miss CQ got her ears pierced at Libby Lu

2 week-ends ago. She cried for about 3

minutes and then she was fine. She looks in the mirror and

tells me that she is soooooo pretty. She does look awfully cute!

I will try and post more soon. :)

PICTURE WALK of What We've Been Up To..........

I guess I will start with X-mas pictures...going back to Buddah's X-mas program at pre-school.

Handsome...isn't he?





















This tantrum is still under
investigation as to why it even
happened in the 1st place.

30 minutes after the tantrum...At Santa's house, we were just fine.










The kids really enjoy movies now!

Lately, we've been to see The Water Horse and Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Buddah at hockey/skating lessons...he continues to get better and better! McDonald's Playland for when it's -6 degrees

Buddah's 5th Birthday Party

Christmas Eve and Morning