I don't know how many of you have children with major or minor attachment issues, but here are some powerful words of advice that have been complied by many adoptees and experts alike. I am so impressed by these comments and feel a sense of relief that I am doing some of these things, and I AM NOT CRAZY! I think that the one about having a friend that has adopted and understands attachment needs is the most important of all. I am thankful to have a few in my life, as well as everyone that visits that gives me peace of mind. I've just taken what has been relavent to me...
WHAT CAN YOU DO!!!??? READ ON!!!!!!
1) YOU, AND ONLY YOU, WEAR YOUR BABY!! Carry them with you wherever you go, and whatever you do. (unless dangerous) Attach them to your bodies. A great baby carrier is one that the baby can have skin to skin contact with you – Baby Trekker (1-800-665-3957) is a great one, and DHS bought mine! (Tank tops are great to encourage skin to skin contact). Carry the baby on your hip; tie to your body under a sweatshirt, front carrier, or in your arms. The more contact the better. These babies were not held enough. Hold Them!!!! ALOT!!! ALL THE TIME!!!! For the rare times the baby is not in your arms, have them in the same room as you are in.
2) YOU ARE THE ONLY CAREGIVER!! You always bottle, feed, bath, dress, change and most of the play. If friends and family want to help let them walk the dog or clean your house, wash bottles or do laundry, bring food or make you tea. No baby-sitters and no sending the baby away for respite.
Until your baby is firmly emotionally attached to you, NO ONE the baby doesn't see daily should hold or even touch them, and even those that the baby sees daily should hold them at a very minimum. Only YOU rock them, Only YOU feed them, Only YOU rock them and put them to bed, Only you play with them for an extended period of time. If someone else plays with them, make sure that you are in the room, too.
3) KEEP THE BOTTLE AS LONG AS POSSIBLE –EVEN LONGER! You, not the baby, hold the bottle. I hold the bottle with my chin so I have two hands to snuggle my baby close to me. Hold them the way a nursing mother does – chest to chest, close to you with as much skin to skin contact as possible. Always insist your baby look in your eyes and when they do, instantly put the bottle in their mouth and tell them good job!! Keep looking at their eyes so when they are ready for eye contact, you don't miss it. Rub them gently, rock, sing.
4) EXPECT A DIRTY HOUSE, soup out of the can and sandwiches for supper and piles of laundry. Know that you are not super mom, and that baby can't wait until all is in order to get on with their lives. Here is where all those well meaning friends that want to hold that precious baby come in!! Let them work!!!
5) EXPECT TO BE CRITICIZED AND ACCUSED as over possessive, or controlling, and making more than you should out of the baby's problems. You WILL be told all babies do that. This is by well meaning grandparents, friends, neighbors, relatives, doctors, and social workers. Stick to what YOU KNOW the baby needs, and fight to get that for them. Remember YOU know that baby more than anyone else!
6) HAVE A GREAT SUPPORT SYSTEM. Have a trusted friend (hopefully someone who has had experience in attachment disorder) that you can call without being told you are making too much of it, or that does something beyond your hopes and wishes. Read books on attachment disorder. Know what dangers await that baby if they are not helped. Working with an infant or toddler has such a HUGE chance for success!! Not one act of kindness is wasted.
7) Keep on keeping on. Listen to your gut and don’t let anyone tell you any different. You are the child's parent and you will do what is best for you. No one else's wants and needs (relatives/friends) override the importance of your child's understanding of the meaning of FAMILY.
What are your thoughts about these things? Do any of you have stories of others JUST NOT GETTING IT with things they do to your child?
