Ok. Several of you have been lurking on my blog. Thank you. Thank you.
So far, though, I've have basically just shown pics of my cute kiddos and maybe a journal entry about our day.
Now, I need some advice from others on attachment.
I am having some trouble with Curley Q. She's 22 months and has progressed amazingly in most all areas. She's been home 3.5 months. I have one MAJOR area of concern. She is sooo friendly w/strangers, often wants to go to them, or if another mom is tending to their child, she wants THAT MOM's attention so that they won't pay attention to their own child. She is extra friendly w/men. Ok. She might just be a social butterfly, Right? The only problem is she is not wanting to come back to me. She chooses just about everyone, but me, to go to.
It kills me as her mother, but I've tried to take the approach..."My job is to love her, her job is not to love me." BUT it still hurts sometimes. Often, my confidence slips and those feelings of failure take over.
I never ever had this problem with my son. He is sooo shy.
Don't get me wrong, she is a sweetheart. She does show love to me, but again, it's always on her terms.
IS THIS NORMAL/NOT NORMAL...ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED.
LURKERS, COME OUT AND GIVE ME SOME ADVICE, PLEASE. THANKS.
9 comments:
I have to say, first, thanks for the comment on my blog. Glad to know I'm not alone. Secondly, your children are so beautiful!! Or should I be PC and say your son is so handsome? ;o)
Thirdly, I wish I could give you some advice, but as you read on my blog I'm guessing here as well. I thought maybe if you haven't already read some of the comments on my post regarding "Attachment Issues???". There was some great advice and resources. Hopefully it will help you out.
Best of luck and I'm going to keeping tabs on your now. ;o)
Okay, just checked out your videos and the fact that you ended up adopting your daughter from the same orphanage literally had me bawling!! How amazing! You did such a wonderful job documenting both of your trips. Makes me wish I had pulled the camera out a little bit more.
Congratulations!!
Wow Jen! This is a really hard one. :-( I've been really fortunate with both of mine and attachment, so I really don't have any advice. I'm sure you have done all of the recommended things. I can honestly say, I do everything for T and did for G too. i feed, bathe, diaper, bottle, hold most of the time. My husband is finishing his masters degree isn't home much before she goes to sleep, so I am her primary and almost only caregiver, also I kept G in pre-school so we have alone, one on one time during the 6 hours that he is at school. I'm not sure if any of this is any different than what you have done with her. Plus, your daughter is a little older, so it is probably going to take more time. Only a guess?
good luck! I know it must be so hard for you. Hang in there, she will come around.
hugs,
Laura
Have you ever read Leap of Faith? Lauri's daughter did this to a certain extent. It's totally normal and there are lots of things you can do to help your daughter learn that you're her main relationship.
I can't offer any advice on this yet, either. Just what I've read, but you should check out mommyto5's blog at preciousgiftsfromgod dot blogspot dot com. She has some good info. and is dealing with some of that too, I think.
hmmmm- I have had similiar troubles as I have mentioned, but it does seem to be improving with time- little by little. I have heard that adopted kids often attach to their siblings before their parents. What is the relationship with her and her brother?
I just found your blog today...
yep.... I can relate... its called "Mommy shopping" in the attachment world and I was advised to discourage it... hunker down, pull her on your lap, wear her if you can and try not to let other grown ups meet her needs. Work on eye contact and this will dissapate... if you see her doing it pull her close to you.. look her in the eye and tell her that you are Mama. Give her a photo of you to carry around as well.
Have you checked out Soul of adoption Russia forum at all? there are some lists there for great attachment articles. They helped me a lot - I went through something very similar with my dd as well and it took awhile but she is much better now.
i just found your blog, it's great. Congratulations on your adoption. This weekend I saw Holly van Guden (an attachment specialist) and she was fabulous, she seems to know so much about infant/toddler/child adoption and gave great small steps of things to do. She has lots of info. Let me know if you want it!
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