Recovery after the D-n-C has been ok. It comes and goes. Sometimes I'm fine, other times I still feel very pregnant because my hormone levels are still pretty high. It's just uncomfortable. Lots of cramping, lots of tears.
Seems like this has been such a blur...such a whirlwind.
We are strong. I know we'll get through this and we'll be just fine.
I am the kind of person who will always wonder WHY, but I'm sure that too will reveal itself at some point.
I'll try and update next time with pics of the kiddos...they are getting soooooo BIG.
Buddah begins Kindergarten in just 2 weeks...OMG!!!
I'm hanging in there. Thanks for all the warm wishes and cyber hugs...they mean so much.
Jen
01 August 2008
28 July 2008
A Sad Day
Wow. This was my ultra-sound today.
I went to my ultrasound appt. and found out that within the last 24-48 hours the baby's heart beat stopped. I was so wierd. The baby had arms and legs, and looked very perfect...just no heart beat. They worked on finding one for awhile, and then said... "I'm so sorry".
I can't believe it. This whole experience feels like a sick joke. How can a little miracle so unexpected turn out this way. Why?
I have my DNC Wednesday morning.
I have been guarded, but it's never ever easy. I actually forgot just how much these things can hurt.
It's so sad that this is the only picture I will ever see of this baby. ;-(
I am so thankful for Buddah and CQ.
I'll keep you updated.
Jen
19 July 2008
Everything is still going.
I meet with a wonderful doctor last Tuesday and we went over lots of paperwork and after careful consideration, she wants me to do Luvenox shots daily and wants me to also take a baby asprin daily...throughout the pregnancy.
This should help thin the blood and Hopefully keep the anti-bodies from attacking my little blueberry. :-)
I'm officially 11 weeks and 1 day...I think. I am so sick that I can barely get out of bed. I do have some mild cramping, but it comes and goes just every now and then that freaks me out.
i just can't get over how sick I am. For several days, I have been able to avoid the whole throwing up thing...not anymore. It hit me 2 days ago and I am constantly sick. It feels like I'm dying...truly.
OK...and I've already gone up a bra size. THEY ARE HUGE...I know probably way too much information, but it's amazing! They hurt/burn/tingle...it's even hard to shower with these new puppies!
The very very few people who know keep telling me that this is a good sign to be so sick.
It just makes me crazy.
I'm trying to keep calm, but of course I'm still really worried. Will this all work out?
Another funny story:
The financial office sat me down on Tuesday to review the costs and what insurance will/will not pay. OMG! We are responsible for $178.00 of the fees....FOR ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE ADOPTED, THAT'S A DEAL RIGHT. I LAUGHED INSIDE. I think that was a one night stay at the airport hotel in Russia with no heat.
The doctor's secretary has a son who just brought a baby home from Guatemala...I felt much more in touch with her than the other women in the entire office. :-)
I go back to the doctor on the 28th. Please keep us in your thoughts. This is one of those things that is a true miracle and we don't exactly get do-over's on this one.
I meet with a wonderful doctor last Tuesday and we went over lots of paperwork and after careful consideration, she wants me to do Luvenox shots daily and wants me to also take a baby asprin daily...throughout the pregnancy.
This should help thin the blood and Hopefully keep the anti-bodies from attacking my little blueberry. :-)
I'm officially 11 weeks and 1 day...I think. I am so sick that I can barely get out of bed. I do have some mild cramping, but it comes and goes just every now and then that freaks me out.
i just can't get over how sick I am. For several days, I have been able to avoid the whole throwing up thing...not anymore. It hit me 2 days ago and I am constantly sick. It feels like I'm dying...truly.
OK...and I've already gone up a bra size. THEY ARE HUGE...I know probably way too much information, but it's amazing! They hurt/burn/tingle...it's even hard to shower with these new puppies!
The very very few people who know keep telling me that this is a good sign to be so sick.
It just makes me crazy.
I'm trying to keep calm, but of course I'm still really worried. Will this all work out?
Another funny story:
The financial office sat me down on Tuesday to review the costs and what insurance will/will not pay. OMG! We are responsible for $178.00 of the fees....FOR ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE ADOPTED, THAT'S A DEAL RIGHT. I LAUGHED INSIDE. I think that was a one night stay at the airport hotel in Russia with no heat.
The doctor's secretary has a son who just brought a baby home from Guatemala...I felt much more in touch with her than the other women in the entire office. :-)
I go back to the doctor on the 28th. Please keep us in your thoughts. This is one of those things that is a true miracle and we don't exactly get do-over's on this one.
14 July 2008
A Shocking Surprise
I am really confused as to how to really put into words how I am feeling right now.
So, I'm going to make a list....
1. I am excited
2. I am scared to death
3. I am confused...actually quite bewildered
4. Mad because I don't want to be that statistic
5. Happy because I am that statistic
6. Guarded
7. Proud
8. Like I could throw up any second.
9. I want everything to be normal so bad
I am 7.5 weeks pregnant...now we all know how this happens, but how did it happen to me...now?
I have no idea.
It's been 6 years since we even saw a fertility specialist.
About 6 years since our last miscarrage.
We know that to get pregnant I have to take heprin and asprin because my husband and I have a very very strong immunological issue.
I am on no medication
We saw and heard a little heart beat today and everything looks normal...WHAT???????????
I talk to the doctor tomorrow
Our feelings are Not too High and Not too Low...
WOW are we in shock.
We know that so much can happen
This was not AT ALL PLANNED!
Please keep us in your prayers
So, I'm going to make a list....
1. I am excited
2. I am scared to death
3. I am confused...actually quite bewildered
4. Mad because I don't want to be that statistic
5. Happy because I am that statistic
6. Guarded
7. Proud
8. Like I could throw up any second.
9. I want everything to be normal so bad
I am 7.5 weeks pregnant...now we all know how this happens, but how did it happen to me...now?
I have no idea.
It's been 6 years since we even saw a fertility specialist.
About 6 years since our last miscarrage.
We know that to get pregnant I have to take heprin and asprin because my husband and I have a very very strong immunological issue.
I am on no medication
We saw and heard a little heart beat today and everything looks normal...WHAT???????????
I talk to the doctor tomorrow
Our feelings are Not too High and Not too Low...
WOW are we in shock.
We know that so much can happen
This was not AT ALL PLANNED!
Please keep us in your prayers
10 June 2008
WAY TOO LONG
I've probably lost most of my HUGE BLOG following, he he he, but it has seriously been so busy that blogging was the 10,000th thing on my life list to do for the past month and a half.
BUT
Soooo much has happened.
The school year has ended, so that means I have the summer off from teaching. (YEAH!!!) They say that the best 3 things about teaching are JUNE, JULY, and AUGUST. I do love my job, but I was really ready to be home with my two little rugrats for a while.
CQ turned 3 at the end of May. She is now TOTALLY potty trained and...
we are in the "Thinking" stages of a big girl bed.
Isn't this cute?
We have remodeled some rooms in our house...
wood floors over 1600 sq. ft. on the entire first floor, we changed our countertops and now they are granite, we installed cubbies in the laundry room to make it a true MUDROOM. Good Work Daddy!
I got a new SUV and even though it's big, I love it. I'll be sure to be GREEN in other ways...promise!
Best of all, the relationship with my son, has always (actually instantly) been wonderful.
The relationship with my daughter has been so hard b/c of all of the attachment and behavioral issues that she has had. I am pleased to report that she is doing amazing. I mean amazing. I know that she will still have her moments here and there, but it's truly unbelievable what research, soul searching, structure, and support will help you through. It's not even like she is the same kid. I can't even put into words how much happier I AM and I'm sure she is now that we've turned this corner. I also think it's amazing that at 1 and 2 years of age a child can work to make these changes as well. I always say that CQ has been the very hardest job of my entire life. Really no words to describe my emotions...just love. More hard work on the way I'm sure, but right now I'm lov'in it.
I have finally been able to check up on so many bloggers that I haven't seen or heard from in a while. So many babies coming home right now and that makes me happy. Of course summer is always very slow Russia.
I hope all is well with everyone.
I also hope to keep updates coming regularly this summer! :)
Jen
BUT
Soooo much has happened.
The school year has ended, so that means I have the summer off from teaching. (YEAH!!!) They say that the best 3 things about teaching are JUNE, JULY, and AUGUST. I do love my job, but I was really ready to be home with my two little rugrats for a while.
CQ turned 3 at the end of May. She is now TOTALLY potty trained and...
we are in the "Thinking" stages of a big girl bed.
Isn't this cute?
We have remodeled some rooms in our house...
wood floors over 1600 sq. ft. on the entire first floor, we changed our countertops and now they are granite, we installed cubbies in the laundry room to make it a true MUDROOM. Good Work Daddy!I got a new SUV and even though it's big, I love it. I'll be sure to be GREEN in other ways...promise!
Best of all, the relationship with my son, has always (actually instantly) been wonderful.
The relationship with my daughter has been so hard b/c of all of the attachment and behavioral issues that she has had. I am pleased to report that she is doing amazing. I mean amazing. I know that she will still have her moments here and there, but it's truly unbelievable what research, soul searching, structure, and support will help you through. It's not even like she is the same kid. I can't even put into words how much happier I AM and I'm sure she is now that we've turned this corner. I also think it's amazing that at 1 and 2 years of age a child can work to make these changes as well. I always say that CQ has been the very hardest job of my entire life. Really no words to describe my emotions...just love. More hard work on the way I'm sure, but right now I'm lov'in it.
I have finally been able to check up on so many bloggers that I haven't seen or heard from in a while. So many babies coming home right now and that makes me happy. Of course summer is always very slow Russia.
I hope all is well with everyone.
I also hope to keep updates coming regularly this summer! :)
Jen
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