MANY FUN THINGS AND FIRSTS

First Indiana Jones MOVIE!

First Day of Kindergarten for Buddah!

First Game (EVER) at Lucas Oil Stadium!

CQ's first day of Preschool!

Healing

We are healing from all of this. It's amazing how truly hard it has been. I am still so sad sometimes when I think about how far along I would be, or how the baby would be developing, or what stage it would be in now.
I did have a visit to the Dr. today, but still no real answers. I was far enough along for there to be some extensive chromosome testing done and that won't be back for a few more weeks.
I did have a bit of a scare last week when I began bleeding/clotting and it wouldn't stop. My GOD! That was pretty awful. That's finally better!
Anyway, after several days on medicine for that issue, I have now began to start coming to terms with things and I think my hormones are starting to balance out and I feel like alittle bit more like "A REAL PERSON" again.
School began today, and it was bitter sweet for me. I really had no summer at all. I spent (basically) the entire month of July in bed, and the 1st 2 weeks of Aug. recovering from surgery, so I am a bit bitter about that.
I wanted to thank all of you again for your kind words and I am really glad that I had a small outlet to vent and talk about what went on...because we really only told a few people.

I PROMISE PROMISE to post pictures soon. I don't have my disk here with me tonight.

Jen

Recovering

Recovery after the D-n-C has been ok. It comes and goes. Sometimes I'm fine, other times I still feel very pregnant because my hormone levels are still pretty high. It's just uncomfortable. Lots of cramping, lots of tears.
Seems like this has been such a blur...such a whirlwind.
We are strong. I know we'll get through this and we'll be just fine.
I am the kind of person who will always wonder WHY, but I'm sure that too will reveal itself at some point.

I'll try and update next time with pics of the kiddos...they are getting soooooo BIG.
Buddah begins Kindergarten in just 2 weeks...OMG!!!

I'm hanging in there. Thanks for all the warm wishes and cyber hugs...they mean so much.

Jen

A Sad Day

Wow. This was my ultra-sound today.
I went to my ultrasound appt. and found out that within the last 24-48 hours the baby's heart beat stopped. I was so wierd. The baby had arms and legs, and looked very perfect...just no heart beat. They worked on finding one for awhile, and then said... "I'm so sorry".
I can't believe it. This whole experience feels like a sick joke. How can a little miracle so unexpected turn out this way. Why?
I have my DNC Wednesday morning.
I have been guarded, but it's never ever easy. I actually forgot just how much these things can hurt.
It's so sad that this is the only picture I will ever see of this baby. ;-(

I am so thankful for Buddah and CQ.
I'll keep you updated.

Jen